That Time That a Loser Was Called Greatest Villain of all Time
“Darth Vader has also become even more popular to audiences than the heroes of the Star Wars universe, which is one of the many reasons that we have named him the greatest villain of all time.” IGN
“With the looming presence of David Prowse and the booming voice of James Earl Jones, the big V stalks across the screen and inspires awe in every scene. He also wears a mean cape, which not many men can pull off.” Empire Online
What if I were to tell you that Darth Vader, the giant of a man with the booming voice, the giant who wears the mean cape, the man named the #1 villain of all time by so many writers is nothing but a loser? Not only is he a loser, but he’s a loser who commands no respect in his own circles. What if I were to tell you that ultimately, Darth Vader is all sizzle and no steak, all style and no substance, all image and no results, a dressed up, overly hyped loser, who should never be trusted with the simplest missions? If you were an Emperor, and you wanted your laundry done, you wouldn’t send it with Vader.
From what I understand, in comics and in novels, he’s actually pretty powerful and effective, but most people haven’t read them, and none of the lists that say he's the greatest villain of all time point to one moment outside of the movies as evidence. So, the only fair way to judge him is by the standards established by the writers of these pieces. We’re going to look at the movies and see exactly how effective Darth Vader really is.
When I look at his record, I’m going to differentiate between Anakin Skywalker, conflicted Jedi, and Darth Vader, Sith Apprentice. Anakin Skywalker wasn’t a villain. He was a hero. Only when he turns and becomes Vader does he become the villain of the story. So, we’re going to start looking at his accomplishments in the movies after he ambushes Mace Windu and cuts off his hand. That's when he takes the name Darth Vader. I’ll break it down mission by mission. The only question I ask is, "Did he get the job done?" I award no points for style, no credit for a deep voice, and no consideration for how well he wears his cape.
Mission #1/ Kill the Children (Revenge of the Sith): This is a bang-up success, no two ways about it. Darth Vader, in his very first mission, walks into a room of kids who have no idea they’re in for a fight, at a time where The Force is cloudy even to the best Jedi, and he kills each and every one of them. I have to repeat his to make it clear. The only mission that Darth Vader succeeds in is killing kids who think he’s there to protect them. Score 1-0
(Behold Vader's Greatest Accomplishment!)
Mission #2/ Kill Obi Wan Kenobi (Revenge of the Sith): He succeeds in this mission the same way the Black Knight succeeds in keeping King Arthur from crossing the bridge. He only ends up losing his arms, legs, and lungs. Palpatine has to have engineers put him back together in a giant cyborg body that will never allow him to achieve his full potential. He will never be able to use the Force Lightning that made Palpatine so dangerous. From this point on, he will never stand a chance to take over as true Sith Lord. He can’t go anywhere until he finds someone to help him out. He goes from being “the Chosen One” to perpetual flunky right here in this fight. Score 1-1
Mission #3/ Save Padme (Revenge of the Sith): This is it. This is the very reason that Darth Vader turns to the Dark Side. He does it to save the woman he loves. Long story short, he kills her instead and screams about it later. Score 1-2
Mission #4/ Recover the Death Star Plans (Rogue One): Vader comes in hard in this movie, Lightsaber slashing and Force Slamming Rebels left and right. This is Vader in his prime. Nobody can stop him; the Rebels have no power that can match his. Despite this, they get the plans to Leia. Score 1-3
Mission #5/ Recover the Death Star Plans Part 2(Star Wars*): Vader gets his shot at redemption. He and an overwhelming contingent of Stormtroopers overrun the Rebel ship, and … Leia has enough time to get the plans off ship by putting them into a Droid. He doesn’t learn from his first go around. Score 1-4
Mission #6/ Stop Leia from Escaping (Star Wars): Okay, in his defense, he’s distracted because Obi Wan shows up, and on the surface he’s kind of successful in making Obi Wan go away in the fight. Ultimately here’s what happens. Luke, Han, Leia, and company escape. Obi Wan peaces out on his own terms, and Vader stands around looking at a giant pile of laundry. Score 1-5
Mission #7/ Stop Luke from Blowing up the Death Star (Star Wars): We all know how this one turns out. We don’t have a series if he succeeds. Not only does he fail to stop Luke, but he ends up floating around in space in his TIE Fighter, waiting for Imperial Towing to come and save him. Score 1-6
Mission #8/ Stop the Rebels from Escaping Hoth (Empire Strikes Back): (This was pointed out to me by my friend Allan Craig). Vader sends a probe to Hoth. The Rebels hear the transmission, and they know it's time to run. Not only does Vader fail in his mission. He actually is the one who bollocks it up, and then he blames poor Admiral Ozzel. Beast Man wouldn't get it this wrong. Score 1-7
Mission #9/ Turn Luke to the Dark Side (Empire Strikes Back): Since Vader plans on confronting the Emperor with no arms or legs, he needs a little bit of help. How does he do it? He throws the cloud city of Bespin at Luke, and he cuts off Luke’s hand, which Luke might need if they plan on killing Emperors together. Then after committing 157 counts of Child Abuse, Vader tells Luke that he’s his father. Not once in between the Death Star blowing up and cutting off the kid’s hand, did Vader think, “I might want to get to know my kid.” While nobody ever said that Vader was much of a strategist, even Goon #1 and Goon #2 on Batman might be able to figure out that this isn’t much of a plan. Score 1-8
Mission #10/ Turn Luke to the Dark Side Part 2 (Return of the Jedi): This is a total set-up. Vader thinks that he’s going to be able to turn Luke to the Dark Side, and they’re going to take on the Emperor. Palpatine realizes that this is his second chance. He’s going to get a lackey who doesn’t suck. Palpatine spends the fight trying to get Luke to embrace hate and smash his father. Luke moon pounds Vader in the rematch, and then he suddenly turns pacifist and lets the Emperor blast him with Force Lightning. Score 1-9
And this ends Vader as he decides it’s time to help his kid out and do the convenient thing of throwing the Emperor down a giant shaft. He’s back to being Anakin Skywalker, and he’s good. When he dies, he gets to Force Ghost just like Obi Wan and Yoda. For a guy known for evil, he isn’t very good at it. If the Emperor sends Vader to do a job, the guy has a ten percent chance of actually getting it done.
I’d compare Vader to Beast Man from Masters of the Universe, but Beast Man has a way better success to failure ratio. Beast Man would occasionally plant the device that turned Teela into a giant popsicle. The guy who is known in every geek circle as the avatar of evil is simply bad at evil. In his role as hero, he was almost unstoppable. As a villain, he couldn’t get it right. If he wasn’t fighting surprised children, he failed every single time. Out of ten missions, he could only succeed once. He doesn't even get to steal the Lightsaber before Luke gets it back. Whenever Vader gets sent out, if the opponent isn't a kid, he's going to lose. This is the greatest villain of all time?
“Darth Vader is spoken about in hushed tones and feared across the galaxy for his ruthless efficiency and personal propensity for shocking brutality.” IGN
Is he really? Go back to Star Wars. Watch how the Governors treat him. They all have a seat at the table, while he has to stand. When he decides to force choke one of them, Tarkin yells at him and makes him stop. They know what he ultimately is, a lackey. Yes, he scares Captains because he randomly kills them. That might be why the Empire lost, Vader killed all the Captains before they could get good at their jobs. The Governors aren’t afraid of him. They’re afraid of the Emperor.
“He even gets pushed around by the governors! They know the Emperor is the final word, so what happens is the same thing that happens in any corporation: Everybody worries about the top man, they don’t worry about his goon. And by the time the Death Star is finished, it gives them the sense that they have a bigger, better suit than Darth Vader. In a standoff between the Death Star and Darth Vader, they have no question about who would win, and it’s not this mumbo-jumbo Sith guy. So it’s even more tragic, because he’s not even an all-powerful bad guy, he’s kind of a flunky.” George Lucas
He’s kind of a flunky. This is his creator talking. George Lucas doesn't see Vader as the big villain. He considers him the villain's goon. That’s not the greatest villain of all time. That’s a guy who can’t go up any higher than he is. He’s never going to be the Sith Lord, at least not on his own. He sees Luke, and he thinks that if Luke turns to the Dark Side, Luke can help him kill The Emperor, and Vader will finally be the top guy. But we know how that would have turned out. Evil Luke would have killed him the same way angry Luke cut off Vader’s hand. Evil Luke would have been a threat. Darth Vader, on the other hand, is an errand boy. There’s no question who’d have been Sith Lord of those two.
“Ultimately, he’s just a pathetic guy who’s had a very sad life.” George Lucas
A pathetic guy who’s had a very sad life. He's just a cool looking, deep voiced guy unhappy with his station in life and the choices that he's made. We might not have the samurai helmet or James Earl Jones's voice, but we're all Darth Vader in our own ways. We do our best to find happiness, to achieve greatness, but the fact of the matter is that most of us really won’t be great. Most of us won't get to be the boss, to have our own corporations, to win Best Director, or be Super Bowl MVP. So we try to live vicariously through our kids, to have our kids kill The Emperor for us. Darth Vader's sadness and record of failure makes him the most everyman villain in movies. It’s great pathos, but the Greatest Villain of All Time? Hardly.
*I use Star Wars instead of "A New Hope" because I was there in the theater when the movie came out. Nobody called it "A New Hope" because it wasn't called "A New Hope". No revisionist history here! Now get off my lawn!
Here are the links to where I got my quotes.
http://www.ign.com/lists/top-100-villains/1
http://comicbook.com/2015/06/29/why-darth-vader-is-the-best-villain-ever/
https://www.empireonline.com/movies/features/best-movie-villains/
https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/news/george-lucas-and-the-cult-of-darth-vader-20050602